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Sick?, weight, spider, circus
Monday, October 12th, 2009 12:18 pmI have work sales emails to be doing, but my brain is foggy and not working properly. Also, I woke up with a mega blocked nose, have noticed a distressing tendency to breath through my mouth yesterday and today, and have had to resort to buying a scarf from the op-shop next to work this morning to stave off the dreaded tickle in throat. Plus I'm tired despite gettng enough sleep over the weekend and not staying up stupidly late. Hopefully, this is a far as it gets. It would be inconvenient to get sick right now, what with an AGM for one of my groups tonight which I always take minutes for, and needing to keep my practice up for trombone since there's a performance on this Friday.
I've lost some weight, after maintaining the same weight for at least 2 years. Nothing too major, only 2kgs or so, but I think it's maintainable and not just a quirky dip. Scales have gone fom showing me 70.9-72.9 these last years, to showing me 69.8 for 5-6 weeks, and 68.8 just this morning, although that may be an erroneous quirk. I've got at least three or four approaches to everything going on right now, so anything could be responsible. I've noticed the occasional harsh thought towards myself about food, about breaking a rule or something, and I've had to be very strict with those thoughts and remind them that it's more of a strong guideline, and I'm not being bad, I'm just being. Fullstop. And then I abruptly halt the start of a possible slide of emotions that could have started from that harsh thought. I take the same approach with the scales. I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm just trying to be more responsible with my health and maintenance, and if I happen to have lost some weight, excellent! But if the scales go up again, no biggie (very strict with my thoughts on that) as that's only a bonus and not my goal. So that stops any yoyoing emotions there...mainly because I'm honest and total with the thoughts, instead doing it only on the surface and trying to ignore the main thoughts that are underlying. Anyway, that's what I've been reflecting on about that whole thing lately.
Spider therapy is not going well. Not that it's not going well, but that I haven't been doing it. I am going to have to kick my butt and start drawing the spiders again, because the little I have done I think has been quite beneficial for me. I've noticed my thoughts take a slight nudge in a different direction. I've sort of been confronting it anyway though... I've been playing some computer games lately (hidden object games) that keep having a spider as one of the jumble of objects in the picture. I kind of see a spider there in a quick glance, and then my eyes keep sliding over it from then on and refusing to look at it. So every so often I stop and force myself to look at the picture of the spider, and acknowledge every thing that's going on. Very confronting. Then I allow my eyes to slide over it and not acknowledge it for a while again before repeating the procedure.
Ugh, foggy brain. Guilt over not doing the emails, but lacking the clarity needed for them. I've done a few already, and left the slightly trickier ones. But man my typing is suffering, and I've had to proof-read even this entry several times, as I keep noticing errors. and my thoughts are so scattered.
I saw the Moscow Circus two Saturdays ago. It was awesome, for many reasons. I found the costuming to be humerous...it was all neon and sparkles, with eighties colours and cuts, like a bad eighties dream. Hilarious. The acts were pretty good too, I''m sure to tell you all about it if you ask, but I've told enough people already that I feel no compulsion to type it out here.
Hm. lunchtime now. Wonder if food will help, although breakfast surely didn't. So hard to figure out how food affects my bloodsugar, it never seems to be consistent. Enough rambling, food now.
I've lost some weight, after maintaining the same weight for at least 2 years. Nothing too major, only 2kgs or so, but I think it's maintainable and not just a quirky dip. Scales have gone fom showing me 70.9-72.9 these last years, to showing me 69.8 for 5-6 weeks, and 68.8 just this morning, although that may be an erroneous quirk. I've got at least three or four approaches to everything going on right now, so anything could be responsible. I've noticed the occasional harsh thought towards myself about food, about breaking a rule or something, and I've had to be very strict with those thoughts and remind them that it's more of a strong guideline, and I'm not being bad, I'm just being. Fullstop. And then I abruptly halt the start of a possible slide of emotions that could have started from that harsh thought. I take the same approach with the scales. I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm just trying to be more responsible with my health and maintenance, and if I happen to have lost some weight, excellent! But if the scales go up again, no biggie (very strict with my thoughts on that) as that's only a bonus and not my goal. So that stops any yoyoing emotions there...mainly because I'm honest and total with the thoughts, instead doing it only on the surface and trying to ignore the main thoughts that are underlying. Anyway, that's what I've been reflecting on about that whole thing lately.
Spider therapy is not going well. Not that it's not going well, but that I haven't been doing it. I am going to have to kick my butt and start drawing the spiders again, because the little I have done I think has been quite beneficial for me. I've noticed my thoughts take a slight nudge in a different direction. I've sort of been confronting it anyway though... I've been playing some computer games lately (hidden object games) that keep having a spider as one of the jumble of objects in the picture. I kind of see a spider there in a quick glance, and then my eyes keep sliding over it from then on and refusing to look at it. So every so often I stop and force myself to look at the picture of the spider, and acknowledge every thing that's going on. Very confronting. Then I allow my eyes to slide over it and not acknowledge it for a while again before repeating the procedure.
Ugh, foggy brain. Guilt over not doing the emails, but lacking the clarity needed for them. I've done a few already, and left the slightly trickier ones. But man my typing is suffering, and I've had to proof-read even this entry several times, as I keep noticing errors. and my thoughts are so scattered.
I saw the Moscow Circus two Saturdays ago. It was awesome, for many reasons. I found the costuming to be humerous...it was all neon and sparkles, with eighties colours and cuts, like a bad eighties dream. Hilarious. The acts were pretty good too, I''m sure to tell you all about it if you ask, but I've told enough people already that I feel no compulsion to type it out here.
Hm. lunchtime now. Wonder if food will help, although breakfast surely didn't. So hard to figure out how food affects my bloodsugar, it never seems to be consistent. Enough rambling, food now.
