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I'm a bundle of woe. My body is tired, my thighs hurt, and even my nails hurt. After pushing myself past my usual self-imposed limits (self-imposed because I preferred not to feel energy drained and bone-weary) for quite a few days due to inability to sleep, social goodness, less sleep because of silly decisions and massive cleaning efforts enforced by a rent inspection tonight, I pretty much just collapsed last night. Apparently a sleep-in Sunday morning and 10 hours of sleep last night aren't enough to recharge oneself after all that. Wearing gloves and scrubbing have pushed on my nails so that even the slight pressure of typing right now is producing ouchies. Squatting and kneelings to scrub walls didn't hurt my thighs yesterday - that's because they were saving themselves to hurt today. My nose is still protesting all the dust handling from yesterday.
I did really enjoy the social stuff though. Learnt an interesting new game, got a play a familiar old fun one. Enjoyed a fantastic tapas dinner and saw a wonderful show. And the powers that be help me, but even though I'm only semi-recovered again, I'm still sticking to the plan of going out tonight.
Life has always been thus these last few years. Balancing my love of doing stuff with the need for downtime of a larger amount than normal people seem to require. This last month I've been ignoring my personal downtime requirement more than I know is wise, and I can't help but think that there's going to be a price to pay soon. I keep thinking that I should take a week or two of doing nothing (other than, of course, brass brand and steak night and pilates) to try to recharge myself somewhat. I feel so lazy when I end up doing nothing for an entire weekend (other than work on Saturday) but I feel so worn out when I go out and do stuff. I guess that's why Sundays are usually a wash-out for me - I end up with a headache, or no energy to do much more lay around, sometimes to the point of it being too much effort to even watch a DVD. I've taken to expecting this and purposefully not scheduling anything on Sundays. I pushed past the point I would usually stop yesterday and paid the price, lying on the couch and staring at the ceiling for a while for lack of energy to do anything else.
All this, and yet even when I reach that point I know I could push some more if I had to. I don't though, because I know from experience that I would go from not being able to move unless I really concentrate to just not being able to move regardless. Been a very long time since I let myself get to THAT level, it's a very very scary thing to experience. I think I'm on the road to heading there though if I don't stop doing stuff. This weekend is certainly going to be scheduled as a lazy do-not-disturb (oh lord, please do not tempt me with anything interesting then).
I feel so silly, like it's all in my head. I look out there and see that other people can do lots of stuff without it draining them so much. Without needing as much downtime to balance it out. I think "maybe I'm just being a woose, maybe I just need to try harder, maybe I'm just trying to justify being lazy". I'm not though! My physical reactions are real. I get alternative understanding and not understanding from Zig, which is fair enough given that it's such a nebulous thing to experience for oneself, let alone view from outside.
Well, at least I'm fine enough to work again today, hm? I can still function today and present a friendly and professional face to my customers, and maybe if I skip band tomorrow night it will be enough to last through the rest of the week's commitments. Although given my current track record, I'll end up going to band anyway and then drag myself home to collapse in bed after. Oh well. If I choose to fill my life with commitments and interesting stuff, then I choose to experience the repurcussions. *heh*
I did really enjoy the social stuff though. Learnt an interesting new game, got a play a familiar old fun one. Enjoyed a fantastic tapas dinner and saw a wonderful show. And the powers that be help me, but even though I'm only semi-recovered again, I'm still sticking to the plan of going out tonight.
Life has always been thus these last few years. Balancing my love of doing stuff with the need for downtime of a larger amount than normal people seem to require. This last month I've been ignoring my personal downtime requirement more than I know is wise, and I can't help but think that there's going to be a price to pay soon. I keep thinking that I should take a week or two of doing nothing (other than, of course, brass brand and steak night and pilates) to try to recharge myself somewhat. I feel so lazy when I end up doing nothing for an entire weekend (other than work on Saturday) but I feel so worn out when I go out and do stuff. I guess that's why Sundays are usually a wash-out for me - I end up with a headache, or no energy to do much more lay around, sometimes to the point of it being too much effort to even watch a DVD. I've taken to expecting this and purposefully not scheduling anything on Sundays. I pushed past the point I would usually stop yesterday and paid the price, lying on the couch and staring at the ceiling for a while for lack of energy to do anything else.
All this, and yet even when I reach that point I know I could push some more if I had to. I don't though, because I know from experience that I would go from not being able to move unless I really concentrate to just not being able to move regardless. Been a very long time since I let myself get to THAT level, it's a very very scary thing to experience. I think I'm on the road to heading there though if I don't stop doing stuff. This weekend is certainly going to be scheduled as a lazy do-not-disturb (oh lord, please do not tempt me with anything interesting then).
I feel so silly, like it's all in my head. I look out there and see that other people can do lots of stuff without it draining them so much. Without needing as much downtime to balance it out. I think "maybe I'm just being a woose, maybe I just need to try harder, maybe I'm just trying to justify being lazy". I'm not though! My physical reactions are real. I get alternative understanding and not understanding from Zig, which is fair enough given that it's such a nebulous thing to experience for oneself, let alone view from outside.
Well, at least I'm fine enough to work again today, hm? I can still function today and present a friendly and professional face to my customers, and maybe if I skip band tomorrow night it will be enough to last through the rest of the week's commitments. Although given my current track record, I'll end up going to band anyway and then drag myself home to collapse in bed after. Oh well. If I choose to fill my life with commitments and interesting stuff, then I choose to experience the repurcussions. *heh*
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