Feelings

I went shopping Thursday night. Was mostly just a ramble, but I thought I'd try to find some flattering shirts while I was at it. Unsuccesful. I did, however, ramble into Bras and Things with the intention of find some more leopard print cotton pajamas, the old ones having finally come apart at the seams. I wandered back out without the pajamas, but in the possesion of a long, dark powder blue, satin night slip. Z loves it ;) and I love how I feel in it. Kind of like a faery princess angel supermodel person.

For some strange reason I felt like listening to Metallica the other day. I put it on, and was catapulted back through my memories to my turblent teenage stage. I remember impulsively going home with some guys I just met on the train, meeting Darren, getting drunk for the second time ever, starting smoking, meeting some really fucked up people, hanging around people who smoked pot, drawing the kind of art that would be admired by depressed goths, writing lyrics and playing angsty music. All that, just on the first level. On the second level it reminds me of Albany days, of Asshole Ryan, Esperance Ryan, Karma, Jasmine, Al, Mick with his magic art skills, caravan days, days of communal living, hooning around in a Kingswood ute, Julie aka Mum, Kim, losing a lot of my naive innocence, and oh so much more.

Listening to Metallica has me wanting to relive those days, to grab my art book and start drawing twisted demonic creatures, open up to my expressiveness and reach back to a part of myself I thought I had lost, thought I'd been better of leaving behind, and now discovering I could be again, only this time in a better and more responsible way, although responsible is a horrible word to use and not quite exactly what I mean. It is a rather odd feeling it is envoking, and in some ways freeing.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, just trying to express it and give some form to the thoughts and emotions that have been haunting me since I pressed play a few days ago.