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Z and the M word
Sunday, May 2nd, 2004 11:00 am
Whee!
I watched African Queen last night, which is an old movie with Katherine Hepburn and Humphery Boggart. Now marriage and such has been on my mind lately since my bro's friend just sent out an engagement party invite, and I had friends over on Friday night who announced they had just been engaged. Must be something about the month of May...so many birthdays and occasions happening. So when Z asked me what I thought of African Queen, I said happily that they got married. :)
Anyway, it set of that whole pattern of thought that ends with me being slightly insecure as usual. See, my whole life I've known I was going to get married someday. Z happens to be the person who I love lots, and is therefore the person I am going to marry. The only hitch is he doesn't believe in marriage *heh*. Anyway, the way I've combatted this is by reaffirming in his presence every so often over the years, that we're going to get married in about 15 - 20 years. Over the years he's protested less and less. At his cousin's wedding last year I got all tearful about it, and apparently (I don't remember) I asked him if he really was going to marry me eventually sometime whenever like I've been saying all along. Apparently (I don't remember this fully either) he said "it's not inconceivable", to which I got really happy since I thought I was going to fight hard to get him to marry me in when those 15-20 years were up.
Anyway, as I was saying, I was getting all insecure again, so I asked him if he was really going to marry me someday. He said that he already answered that. I didn't remember of course, but after he prompted me that it had happened at his cousin's thing, I said "all I remember is something about it not being inconceivable". Yep, that's what he meant when he said he had answered. Now, that's not a yes or a no. It really is too vague. So I said that it wasn't a yes or no. Skip forward a bit after talking about various things, where I also say I'm a believer in long engagements, like 5-10 year long ones.
So he said "I guess, if we're still together after 10 years, we can, unless some weird inconceivable events make it occur sooner". Whee!
"You mean engaged or married after ten years?"
"Married, I guess." (Like pulling hen's teeth, really)
Then he mentioned something about unless we have kids, but I'm not allowed to use that to get married *lol* to which I replied I didn't want kids for at least 10 years anyway :)
I have a definite time span! Whee! It's actually going to happen one day, and I'm not just make-believing/fooling myself.
Well, I'm happy anyway.
I watched African Queen last night, which is an old movie with Katherine Hepburn and Humphery Boggart. Now marriage and such has been on my mind lately since my bro's friend just sent out an engagement party invite, and I had friends over on Friday night who announced they had just been engaged. Must be something about the month of May...so many birthdays and occasions happening. So when Z asked me what I thought of African Queen, I said happily that they got married. :)
Anyway, it set of that whole pattern of thought that ends with me being slightly insecure as usual. See, my whole life I've known I was going to get married someday. Z happens to be the person who I love lots, and is therefore the person I am going to marry. The only hitch is he doesn't believe in marriage *heh*. Anyway, the way I've combatted this is by reaffirming in his presence every so often over the years, that we're going to get married in about 15 - 20 years. Over the years he's protested less and less. At his cousin's wedding last year I got all tearful about it, and apparently (I don't remember) I asked him if he really was going to marry me eventually sometime whenever like I've been saying all along. Apparently (I don't remember this fully either) he said "it's not inconceivable", to which I got really happy since I thought I was going to fight hard to get him to marry me in when those 15-20 years were up.
Anyway, as I was saying, I was getting all insecure again, so I asked him if he was really going to marry me someday. He said that he already answered that. I didn't remember of course, but after he prompted me that it had happened at his cousin's thing, I said "all I remember is something about it not being inconceivable". Yep, that's what he meant when he said he had answered. Now, that's not a yes or a no. It really is too vague. So I said that it wasn't a yes or no. Skip forward a bit after talking about various things, where I also say I'm a believer in long engagements, like 5-10 year long ones.
So he said "I guess, if we're still together after 10 years, we can, unless some weird inconceivable events make it occur sooner". Whee!
"You mean engaged or married after ten years?"
"Married, I guess." (Like pulling hen's teeth, really)
Then he mentioned something about unless we have kids, but I'm not allowed to use that to get married *lol* to which I replied I didn't want kids for at least 10 years anyway :)
I have a definite time span! Whee! It's actually going to happen one day, and I'm not just make-believing/fooling myself.
Well, I'm happy anyway.
